Post by Graveyard Goddess on Oct 2, 2005 10:11:46 GMT -5
This is my latest poem...id love some real feedback on it please!
Alone
A masque paints over sordid souls with a candy coated shroud
On the shore they run with the wind
You run alone
Alone upon broken glass-shards and shells
Which cut at the closure of discomfort.
When the bruises covering your heart; bring afflicted things
Questions of affection to imaginary eyes
Nobody is there for you to deceive as this thickness grows inside
From what appears to simply be pristine silk sand.
But on the silver waters you lavishly drown
As traipsing its surface like ice
I know it’s better than a wreck sick love when you slip and fall.
Nobody is there for you to deceive as this sickness grows inside
You fall down alone.
Dancing in the crystal ballroom; a room stretching for miles
In the depths of your heart there are a million girls with your eyes
Stand and watch your stories
As you sever the pieces one at a time.
The mirror will shatter; into a kaleidoscope
Of living photographs—that fly away
With poise and beauty; deep into the salty sea world
With poisoned beauty you drown into your pain .
By all means please wash your wounds
In this massive pool of tears.
Study it hard; and memorize
The smiles you’ve faked and the times that you’ve cried
The pleasant smell and sweet taste of life—
Feel the world around you rising
As you sink into the sand.
Alone
A masque paints over sordid souls with a candy coated shroud
On the shore they run with the wind
You run alone
Alone upon broken glass-shards and shells
Which cut at the closure of discomfort.
When the bruises covering your heart; bring afflicted things
Questions of affection to imaginary eyes
Nobody is there for you to deceive as this thickness grows inside
From what appears to simply be pristine silk sand.
But on the silver waters you lavishly drown
As traipsing its surface like ice
I know it’s better than a wreck sick love when you slip and fall.
Nobody is there for you to deceive as this sickness grows inside
You fall down alone.
Dancing in the crystal ballroom; a room stretching for miles
In the depths of your heart there are a million girls with your eyes
Stand and watch your stories
As you sever the pieces one at a time.
The mirror will shatter; into a kaleidoscope
Of living photographs—that fly away
With poise and beauty; deep into the salty sea world
With poisoned beauty you drown into your pain .
By all means please wash your wounds
In this massive pool of tears.
Study it hard; and memorize
The smiles you’ve faked and the times that you’ve cried
The pleasant smell and sweet taste of life—
Feel the world around you rising
As you sink into the sand.
teehee