....some poems.... }{ pretty damn good, but no...

[speakofthedead666]

this is cool

your end

I am a lie
i am a tear
ready to cry
and disappear
im an ill soul
a heart full of chaos unforgiving
ready to take a toll
on all things living
i tear inside
at the joy to cause misery
i am a hate you provide
to show me obstincy
i am the darkness pure
i am fake, only pretend
i am dead, you are sure
i am your end.- by me....


tears of blood
tears of joy freefall flood
broken toy
insane smile for your lust
into broken dreams you thrust
oh, the tune of a million musts
all your logic turned into dust
frowns of tomorrow
frowns of today
laceless sorrow
for all is gray- by sarah

[Graveyard Goddess]

I really like them both!

your end

I am a lie; [4]
i am a tear [4]
ready to cry,[4]
and disappear [4]
im an ill soul [4]
a heart full of chaos unforgiving [10]
ready to take a toll [6]
on all things living [4]
i tear inside [4]
at the joy to cause misery [8]
i am a hate you provide [7]
to show me obstincy [7]
i am the darkness pure [6]
i am fake, only pretend [7]
i am dead, you are sure [6]
i am your end.[4]



I mapped it out for you. You rhyme scheming is good, but as a reader (someone who has never seen this poem before) it may be more fluid if written like this:

your end
I am a lie; i am a tear [8]
ready to cry,and disappear [8]
im an ill soul --a heart full of chaos unforgiving [14]
ready to take a toll on all things living [10]
i tear inside at the joy to cause misery [12]
i['m] a hate you provide to show me obstincy [13]
i am the darkness [blinding and] pure [9]
i am fake--only pretend [7]
i am dead, [and I know ] you are sure [9]
i am your end.[4]


just some friendly advice

great writing!

[starryeyes]

I Like Them!!

[autumnnocturn3]

... i agree with Graveyard Goddess's advice whole-heartedly, and above all, i dug both works. good? yes. (Smiles)

Virtually Yours,
Alexis