Untitled }{ >.<

[starryeyes]

I've never written a poem without worrying about rhyme before... and i've never writen one like this either.
I ave a vague idea of what i want.. but i could use some help.

[No Title]
Do you believe your own words?
As you hold me in your arms,
The gentle voice that whispers promises of the future,
Could all be,
Made up.

You could be deceiving,
I’m not so great a catch,
Why do you hold my hand,
Guide me along the right path?

Do you feel like I do?
Confused, distressed and unworthy,
One being keeping you going,
Holding your heart,
For you.

Do think the world is cold?
And this one tiny strip of warmth,
Could be taken away,
Just as you
Feel safe.

Love is a powerful word,
And if you say it to many,
It soon loses it’s meaning,
Like a President on a Penny.

Do you know what happiness is?
You say it happens when you’re near me,
And as much as I’d like to believe those words,
I’m afraid to get,
Too attached.

Your arm snakes around my waist,
Our faces close together,
If I was a normal person now,
I’d feel light as a feather.

Do you imagine now?
As you lean in for a kiss,
That something’s really wrong with this,
Even though it’s something like love,
You can’t help,
But wonder.

Do you know what it feels like?
To have friends one minute,
But then the next,
Have only one person who can see you
For who
You are.

Kisses softer than silk,
Are priceless in my eyes,
Even though this relationship,
Could soon be my demise.

[foblin]

That's beautiful Chloe ;D

[Graveyard Goddess]

chloe! you need to write write write youvve got potential!

If you really want some help i can only give these suggestions(even though its lovely!)The idea when writing a poem without a rhyme sceme is to find a word flow rather then line flow...but that comes pretty naturally. In addition poems that dont rhyme should be a tad less parted by stanzas becuase it breaks the poem up too much; but thats simple structure.
its brillliant-plesase keep writing away!
[NOTE all RHYME bracets just point out your rhyme schemes by line; this is very common, and all writers do this, but if you do touch it up; id stay consistant. If you dont want it to rhyme, than think about addint more details, adjectives ect.]
all *ed words are simply suggested word replacments
Here is how id put it:

[Find A Title]
Do you believe your own words, as you hold me in your arms?
The gentle voice that whispers promises of the future,
Could [*simply] be,Made up.
You could be deceiving,I’m [*truly] not so great a catch, [RHYME]
Why [*is it that you] hold my hand,[*and] guide me along the right path? [RHYME]

[NOTE is the question "do you believe your own words?" or is it "do you believe your own wods, as you hold me in your arms?" it changes the structural format. for now ill just write it the way i think it should flow but make note of this change.]

Do you feel like I do--Confused, distressed and unworthy;
[With but ]one being [*,to keep] you going,
[*Patiently holding your heart;for you.
Do think the world is cold-- like this one tiny strip of warmth,
Could be taken away, just as you Feel safe.

[NOTE this is very nicley written chloe! I keep re-reading it and questioning the like which says "holiding your heart for you" it sounds almost repetative...like holding YOUR hear for YOU...i dont think needs to be changed really but i think theres probably a different way to keep the sentance flow-i just need to think about it a bit]

Love is a powerful word, and if you say it to many, [RHYME]
It soon loses it’s meaning, like a President on a Penny.[RHMYE]
Do you know what happiness is?
You say it happens when you’re near me
And as much as I’d like to believe those words,
I’m afraid to get,too attached.


Your arm snakes around my waist; Our faces close together, [RHYME]
If I was a normal person now, I’d feel light as a feather. [RHMYE]
Do you imagine now as you lean in for a kiss,[RHYME]
That something’s really wrong with this,[[?] {RHYME]
Even though it’s something like love,
You can’t help,
But wonder.
[NOTE see rhyme brackets; everything is great though]

Do you know what it feels like to have friends one minute,
But then the next [comes along],
[leaving you with]only one person who can see you,for who You are.
Kisses softer than silk,are priceless in my eyes, [RHYME]
Even though this relationship, could soon be my demise. [RHYME]
those last rhyme brackets can stay rhymed becusase it wraps up the poem nicley, but id change the others personally. i hate being so critical, but being the writer you are i guess youd read my advice and think about it. even if you dont opt for takuing it


lovelyy writing ma dear

[starryeyes]

Thank You So Much For Your Help!

I'll Try ReWriting It.. And See How It Goes ;D

[crimsoncadavers [amanda]]

pretty