School...sucks

[Graveyard Goddess]

[Student 1] oh no….I wonder if the teacher is coming to class today!
[Student 2] Don’t be an idiot! Obviously he isn’t showing up
[Student 3] Kin right he’s not showing up
[Student 1] Kin right? What does that mean
[Student 3] It means your ass
[Student 2] How do you know the teacher isn’t coming to class? You shot our teacher that’s how!
[Student 4] With a real gun?!!!
[Student 3] No a toy-gun
[Student 2] he shot our teacher with a real gun!
[Student 4] Like ooh my god! That’s so scary! I’m standing next to like a killer!!! Can I please have your autograph?!!!
[Student 1] So I heard that [girl] got [guy] pregnant! I can’t believe it!
[Student 2] Don’t be an idiot! Obviously [guy] got [girl] pregnant!
[Student 4] Shut up! No Way!...I so have to tell the other popular girls about this!
[Student 3] How many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[Student 1] Screwing in light bulbs is easy but can be quite dangerous due to electrical currents
[Student 2] What does that have to do with Goths?
[Student 1] Goths scare me
[Student 3] So how many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb? [Pause] none—they like it dark!
[Student 4] Oh my god that is like such a funny joke! Its like so very true isn’t it? I get it—they are all dark and…dark
[Student 1] So I did this calculus problem today…
[Student 2] Shut up; we don’t care about you. If you continue to talk I will just pretend I can’t see you
[Student 1] You mean hear me?
[Student 2] Hear you?
Student 1] you will pretend you can’t hear me
[Student 2] you’re a lost cause.
[Student 1] thank you
[Student 3] just shut up! Do you want us to have to have to copy the dictionary 100 more times?
[Student 4] So what are we talking about?
[Student 2 and 3] about how we hate you
[Student 4 thinks quietly] Is it that kind of hate like “bad” that really “means” good; cause if it is I really want your autograph!
[Student 2] Go away loser
[Student 4] Oh you did NOT just call me a looser
[Student 1] If my hearing stands correctly…
[Student 2 interrupts] Which it doesn’t because you are non-existent!
[Student 3] Yeah I called you a looser. . . what you gona do? Shoot me?
[Student 4] Oh you did not just call me a looser! [Pauses quietly] Oh you did not just threaten to shoot me!
[Student 3] Your right; I didn’t
[Student 4] You didn’t call me a looser?!
[Student 3] No I didn’t threaten to shoot you
[Student 4] Oh damn! I was looking forward to having some good gossip to spread!
[Student 2] Just shut up
[Student 5] I’m new.
[Student 3] What do you want?
[Student 5] uh…nothing
[Student 3] then go away
[Student 5] okay. [leaves]
[Student 2] Don’t you just hate new kids?
[Students 3 and 4] As much as we hate you.
[Student 4] And we like totally hate you!
[Student 2] I can’t go on living life! Oh Woe is me!
[Student 4] Go on! Explain! I need to know every detail so I can spread your personal life all over school to raise my popularity!
[pauses to think] Hey so do you get to wear those cutesy hospital gowns and wheel yourself around on those rolling thingies like on “General Hospital”?
[Student 2] No
[Student 4] Oh…that’s rather disappointing
[Student 3] You really do deserve to die anyways
[Student 4] Oh yeah and no one will miss you! So you should just go! Oh come on it’ll be so much fun!
[Student 5] Hi um I'm new
[Student 3] no you aren’t dipshit
[Student 5] I’m not? Cool!
[Student 3] I’m new
[Student 4] Really you are? I could have sworn Id seen you here before!
[Student 2] only you didn’t
[Student 3] I’m new
[Student 2] no you’re not!
[Student 3] Don’t be an idiot—obviously I’m not new! Go away. We hate you.
[Student 4] So there’s a really ugly girl in our school that’s getting me upset…
[Student 5] really who?
[Student 4,3and2] You.
[Student 5] oh right. I haven’t eaten in 40 whole minutes so I think ill die of starvation sometime soon
[Student 4] How lovely!
[Student 5] thanks!
[Student 2] Ugly people get pretty people depressed
[Student 3] but you already are!
[Student 2] pretty?
[Student 3] no…ugly and depressed.
[Student 1] Teachers are officially allowed to whip us in school if we misbehave
[Student 3] Well they already are allowed to make us bleed until we recite the “Declaration of independence” perfectly
[Student 4] yeah…that’s sort of rough isn’t it? I hate when they starve us and then put us in lockers to suffocate.
[Student 5] they do that?!!
[Student4] Like it’s the “in” thing to do obviously!
[Student 3 talking to student 4 ] your psycho
[Student 4] but I thought student 2 was psycho!
[Student 2] I’m not psycho! I just cant stop thinking about overdosing on candy
[Student 4] You’ll get fat that way! Use pain pills instead—then you can die skinny!
[Student 2] good point!
[Student 3] I’m leaving. I want to go jump of the roof of this 50 floor building they call a school
[Student 2 mutters] id push you off
[Student 5] I will uh I’ll just…watch
[Student 2] I hope you don’t get car sick!
[Student 5] why is that?
[Student 3] you dumbass were not going in any cars!
[Student 2] but when you land on the cement after jumping I’m sure a car will run over you!
[Student 5] my stomach is getting queasy
[Student 2] is that an insult?
[Student 5] um…no…I mean…yeah… Nope
[Student 2] See everyone hates me! I want to die!
[Student 4] when you die can I have your Hillary duff albums?
[Student 3] They’re gone
[Student 4 finds a black widow spider in her locker] OH MY GOD A SPIDER!
[ Student 3] I heard some gossip
[Student 4 eagerly gives all attention to student 3] please go on!
[Student 3] if you eat black widow spiders you turn into spider woman
[Student 4] I’m a vegetarian!
[Student 3] I eat vegetarians!
[Student 4] REALLY?
[Student 3] Ill tell you a story about it someday if you eat the spider
[Student 4] okay; fist tell me about student 2s Hillary duff CDs!
[Student 3] oh those..theyre gone
[Student 4] oh did you shoot them with a real gun?
[Student 3] No. I just threw them out the window
[Student 2] WHYYY?!!!!
[Student 3] because I hate you
[Student 4] I hate you student 3 and I’m not going to eat your stupid spider
[Student 3 ] then don’t.
[Student 2] I see its already munched on you
[Student 4] NO way! Am I going to die?
[Student 3] hopefully!
[Student 2] I’m going home!
[Student 3] you mean your cardboard box in my backyard?
[Student 2] yes.
[Student 3] well let me know when your gona kill yourself so we can watch
[Student 4] I like my spider bite…it looks like a huge hickey!
[Student 2] go away
[Student 4] Okay!
[Students walk their separate ways]
[Four Freshmen Enter]
[Student 1] Oh my god I’m dying
[Student 2] That’s because I hocked into the deans 57 chevy black convertible and filled ever open space with the mixtures we made in chemistry!
[Student 3] What mixtures?
[Student 2] You weren’t there; you were skipping class
[Student 3] oh right
[Student 2] Ammonium and Chlorine….the things we learn in school!
[Student 3] So you put that crap in his car and drove it into the front window of our building?!
[Student 2] I wish it was that easy
[Student3] What do you mean I wish it was that easy?
[Student 2] I mean I wish it was that easy.
[Student 3] As easy as what?
[Student 2] As easy as driving the car through the window
[Student 3] how did you get past all the bars and barbed wire anyways?
[Student 2] Well take off your gas mask and get a good look at me
[Student 3] Hey wow! You are bleeding from your eyes!
[Student 1] Oh my god the teachers coming!
[Student 3] but I heard that there was a big kid who shot him
[Student 2] Really?
[Student 3] He came back from the dead
[Student 2] Run!
[Student 1] I cant—I’m still on the cross you tried to crucify me on two weeks ago! And my hands are about to fall off
[Student 2] Then stay there! If you’re the messiah it wont matter if you die; you’ll be resurrected anyways
[Student 1 starts to cry and mumbles Hebrew prayer]
[Student 3] Christ… what a looser
[Student 2] Oh I get it!
[Student 3] What do you get?
[Studenr 2] What do you mean by what do you get?
[Student 3] You get that student 1 is a looser?
[Student 2] No I get the Christ before what a looser
[Student 3] what the hell are you talking about
[Student 2] you
[Studenr 3] well shut up. If a teacher sees us they will stuff us in our lockers
[Student 2] So what?
[Student 3 walks away]
[Student 1 dies]
[Student 2 puts on tefillin and runs]

[Enter the seniors]
[Student 1] It was not your idea to hang charlotte from the ceiling it was mine!
[Student 2] No you dumbfuck it was mine!
[Student 3] Charlotte Charlotte…wait who is that?
[Student 2] The doll
[Student 1] The one on the noose
[Student 3] Oooh that freshman kid with the bleeding eyes?
[Student 1] No that is a freshman student with bleeding eyes you idiot
[Student 3] Oh the one that weird black clad kid carries around that the rabbi’s love?
[Student 4] no…that would be some junior looser
[Student 3] I think shes way cooler than the dying freshman who thinks hes jesus!
[Student 1] No obviously the dying freshman is cooler!
[Student 2] Yeah; don’t be rude to the deceased!
[Student 3] Jesus isn’t dead yet…hes still hanging in there!
[Student 2 walks away]
[Student 3] Haha get it?
[Student 1 walks away and student 4 runs]
[student 3] Get it? Haha hanging in there! Haha im such a funny person
[Student 3] I should put a sign on my head saying “funny person laugh or die”
[Student 3] I love talking to myself
[Student 3 enters physics class and is never seen again]

[Teacher 1] Teaching sucks. Lets go rob a bank and make the students suffer for their sins
[Teacher 2] Okay lets go
[Dean] Someone ring the bell already!
[Teacher 2] Oh yes! Right away maam right away!
[ Teacher 1 walks to bell and rings it]
*ring**ring*
*ring**ring*
*ring**ring*
*ring**ring*
*ring**ring*
[Teacher 2] Its so beautiful! Do it again!!
*ring*
*ring*
*ring*
[Teacher 2] The music; it melts my heart like…
[Teacher 1] cheese?
[Teacher 2] No you idiot! Like…
[Teacher 1] Cheese!
[Teacher 2] Fine whatever.

[Teacher 3 runs into room holding a freshman’s body]
Look everyone! I finally found the catholic kid in our school who was enrolled here illegally and never paid his thirteen million dollar tuition!
[Teacher 2] Charlotte?
[Teacher 3] No Jesus!
[Teacher 2] Woaah…jesus….thats deep
[Teacher 2]….like…
[Teacher 1 ] cheese and plastic surgery!
[Teacher 3] I better be paid overtime for this.


im writing more but heres it all for now

[foblin]

That's awesome!! It's something you could imagine people saying

[Student 3] How many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[Student 1] Screwing in light bulbs is easy but can be quite dangerous due to electrical currents
[Student 2] What does that have to do with Goths?
[Student 1] Goths scare me
[Student 3] So how many Goths does it take to screw in a light bulb? [Pause] none—they like it dark!
[Student 4] Oh my god that is like such a funny joke! Its like so very true isn’t it? I get it—they are all dark and…dark

That sounds like something Chavs or townies would say!

[Graveyard Goddess]

my favourite part:

Student 4 finds a black widow spider in her locker] OH MY GOD A SPIDER!
[ Student 3] I heard some gossip
[Student 4 eagerly gives all attention to student 3] please go on!
[Student 3] if you eat black widow spiders you turn into spider woman
[Student 4] I’m a vegetarian!
[Student 3] I eat vegetarians!
[Student 4] REALLY?
[Student 3] Ill tell you a story about it someday if you eat the spider
[Student 4] okay; fist tell me about student 2s Hillary duff CDs!
[Student 3] oh those..theyre gone
[Student 4] oh did you shoot them with a real gun?
[Student 3] No. I just threw them out the window
[Student 2] WHYYY?!!!!
[Student 3] because I hate you
[Student 4] I hate you student 3 and I’m not going to eat your stupid spider
[Student 3 ] then don’t.
[Student 2] I see its already munched on you
[Student 4] NO way! Am I going to die?
[Student 3] hopefully!