I wish... [possibly triggering]

[crimsoncadavers [amanda]]

I'm not sure if I've posted this one before... but I'm pissed at my boyfriend, and this is about him.

I wish I had an eating disorder

I wish I had an eating disorder
then i could starve myself of you for days.
Reducing myself to skin and bones
.... skin and bones
watching the pit of my stomache grow into a bigger hole of nothingness

living off of the hints, begging for small scraps to keep my intestines from eating themselves into a rotting pile of shit.

I binge on your words.
Filling myself so fucking full that my insides explode and i end up having nothing on the inside to support my fragile frame.



i break in two



I tried to purge myself, tried to fix this mess.
all in all i guess i was trying to stay thin
.. trying to prove that i do not need to be dependant on something like you to keep myself alive.


.. i wanted to crumble into dust



(I wrote this a year ago, when he started calling me from california and told me that he missed me... and wanted to be with me but still had another girlfriend...what a douche.
anyways, i have an ED.. and i related this to it because it just makes sense.)

[spike]

Yeah, I can relate as well.. T_T

[foblin]

It's a brilliant metaphor to use =] the poem is great, and allows for people both with & without an eating disorder to relate to it.



my mum thinks I have an eating disorder, but my psychologist says I'm doing fine. But my mum will find anything to have a go at me for.