Need some advice

[darksaint]

Alright i'm sure this may seem pretty pathetic to most of you but I really need some help/advice,

You see, in 8th grade my friend bought me a shirt that said "preppies" with a circle around it and a line across (Which meant no preps). I personally do not have a problem with preppy people unless they have a problem with me, but I wore the shirt anyways because it was a gift from a friend and I didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Well one day while in the lunch line this guy helping the cooks serve lunch looked at my shirt and said "You are preppy " i'm like wtf. I'm the opposite of preppy, but he just said that to be an ass. Then a week later (which was Halloween) he was walking to the office as was I after school and he glared at me and I said "Your the bitch that called me preppy" and he said "SO WHAT". (He is a grade higher than me) Then while I was walking around the school lobby he walked up to me and started telling me shit. I REALLY wasn't in a good mood so I decided to talk shit back to him and it eventually turned into a physical fight. I admit; i'm a guy and I do not know how to fight very well. But somehow I managed to win in the fight because he backed down. He is like twice my size, too.

Well the rest of the school year was horrible. He just wouldn't freakin leave me alone! Every time he got near me he's start calling me names and crap and sometimes push me or something. He dosen't know how to fight neither I don't think. Anyways, he just scares me for some reason. For one, because he dosen't stop. You'd think he'd stop with all the childish crap after awhile, but no, he dosen't. Also because since he is in special ed. I am intimidated by that because he can go really phsyco if he wanted.

I can fight when I get mad, I guess, but not unless I get mad and when I get in fights I get more scared than mad, and then eventually my anger is overthrown by fear. I have been reading things about "bullying" and whatnot and it says to let a high authority adult know of the situation and to just walk away when any confrontation happens, but that seems real childish but it is still the logical thing to do. But see, I did that in 8th grade and they didn't do hardly anything to him since he is in special ed. Excuse my french, but I don't think he needs to be in special ed, I think he's just real fucked up. He had stopped the bullying for awhile because the vice principle and I were good friends and so he told him to stop it, but he continued again after awhile.

I have high anxiety because this past year he didn't attend school with me since he went to the 10th grade. (The school I went to has 8th & 9th graders) and now i'm going to the high school that has grades 10-12 and so I will see him next year. The thing that gave me anxiety was that I saw him at the mall yesterday and my mom said he was just staring at me as I passed by. That made me think he still has some grudge against me over something that happened almost two years ago and i'm wondering...

WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Should I just walk away and try to ignore him or should I fight back? Usually I would fight back but like I said, I have to get angry and all that. Doing or thinking of something to get me angry won't work because i've tried that. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Graveyard Goddess]

I dont know if this is good advice or not but ill give it a shot. When I was in middle grades like 8th grade or 7th I went through a phase that sooo many people do, but usally at different times. Like i was big on talking about labels and what defines goth or punk or preppy or townie whatever. It was a big deal to me for some stupid reason and Id be all blah blah preppy people annoy me when in reality i was just at a stage that dissapeared in time and i noticed that some kids my age went through it at a much later stage than I. I should hope that this dude has his priorites set straight. Its pointless to get physicall over something like that you know? I dont know exactly what to tell you but one good thing to do is just whatever you do do NOT provoke him....maybe he has realized what in life is important to pick a fight over and if he hasnt then fight back; but only if it seems like you could handle the situation. Dont I’ve never fought anyone lol but I think it really depends on what is important to you…your own pride, reputation for how you will appear or how you feel about yourself because that is most important. Don’t do something to appear one way unless it’s really important to you or its not worth it because theres a chance of feeling like shit any way you go. Just hope this kid has gotten over it and has bigger problems you know? Im sorry I cant offer too much advice…I hope everything goes okay

[darksaint]

Thank you, you did give me useful advice: Don't provoke him. Anymore advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Graveyard Goddess]

act sensible and maybe hed talk rather than fight sometimes guys get to a point where its stupid to fight over somethign like that you know? Try to act sensible and mature and maybe he will follow. It sounds crazy...dont act abnormally mature but act with a kind heart but determind...and calm. Dont get agressive...its really NOT a subject matter that is worth it...unless you really need to take you anger out on him then if u think it will help by all means to it...xxxx im here if you evah need

[darksaint]

I don't beleive acting sensible and mature will help the situation. Like I said, he's in special ed. and he seems like he has an immature mind. I guess telling him things back and being aggresive will provoke him, but if I ignore it he will think (or know) that i'm fearful of him and that will give him more confidence, thus him being more likely to get into a physical fight with me.

[Graveyard Goddess]

hmm...i guess it skimmed that over becuase i forgot in my old school how special ed was...
I am in special ed in my new school now but its not really special ed...its simply a structured study hall where I have extended time on history tests cos of my ADD....
and everyone in it is just like me...fairly normal and educated. So i guess i didnt give it a second thought...
I dont exactly know what to tell yah....im sorry ill ponder it a bit and let you know when i think of something kaye?

[tattoodvampyre]

I hate to say this but you have brought this on yourself, saying to him "Your the bitch that called me preppy" first off is it normal for ppl to call a guy a bitch unless hes gay? cos here in the UK calling a guy a bitch is like insinuating hes gay. So you wore a tshirt that said "no preppies" and the guy looked at your top and said "you are preppy" and you took the hump at that. So maybe he thinks you do look preppy ( he mite have a totally different opnion of what looks preppy than you do). So you show by your face that you are not happy and walk away then wonder why he glares at you in the hall way then you retaliate by saying ""Your the bitch that called me preppy" which when i was at school was the best way of getting a slap, so now you have pissed him off and hes making life hell for you. Can you see where you went wrong in all of this? he makes a comment so you dont agree with it, you shrug your shoulders and walk off, you dont start calling him "bitch" and expect him not to be pissed at you. Now hes got something to prove to you and is hounding you. The only options you have is either to talk to him and say what caused all the bother in the first place, or beat him to a pulp and hope he wont get his mates to beat you to a pulp afterwards.
btw "bullying" and whatnot and it says to let a high authority adult know of the situation and to just walk away when any confrontation happens," i dont think what is happening could be called actual bullying, you bad mouthed him and now hes after you. If you had to tell a teacher exactly how this all started, whose side do u think they would take. The one who just mentioned "you are preppy" or the one who said" Your the bitch who called me preppy" You were in the wrong and sadly you started the bad feeling between the two of you and its up to you to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences of your actions.
And they said growing up was easy!

[tattoodvampyre]

tattoodvampyre said:

I hate to say this but you have brought this on yourself, saying to him "Your the bitch that called me preppy" first off is it normal for ppl to call a guy a bitch unless hes gay? cos here in the UK calling a guy a bitch is like insinuating hes gay. So you wore a tshirt that said "no preppies" and the guy looked at your top and said "you are preppy" and you took the hump at that. So maybe he thinks you do look preppy ( he mite have a totally different opnion of what looks preppy than you do). So you show by your face that you are not happy and walk away then wonder why he glares at you in the hall way then you retaliate by saying ""Your the bitch that called me preppy" which when i was at school was the best way of getting a slap, so now you have pissed him off and hes making life hell for you. Can you see where you went wrong in all of this? he makes a comment so you dont agree with it, you shrug your shoulders and walk off, you dont start calling him "bitch" and expect him not to be pissed at you. Now hes got something to prove to you and is hounding you. The only options you have is either to talk to him and say what caused all the bother in the first place, or beat him to a pulp and hope he wont get his mates to beat you to a pulp afterwards.
btw "bullying" and whatnot and it says to let a high authority adult know of the situation and to just walk away when any confrontation happens," i dont think what is happening could be called actual bullying, you bad mouthed him and now hes after you. If you had to tell a teacher exactly how this all started, whose side do u think they would take. The one who just mentioned "you are preppy" or the one who said" Your the bitch who called me preppy" You were in the wrong and sadly you started the bad feeling between the two of you and its up to you to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences of your action.
And they said growing up was easy!

" he's in special ed. and he seems like he has an immature mind"
well dont hold it against him for being in special ed, as stephie mentioned there are more than one reason why some one whould be in special ed, as school some kids in my class where in special ed cos their reading wasnt up to scratch, not cos they were stupid or immature. He may be in special ed, but it was you who had a go at him over a comment about a top?
He may be holding a grudge 2 yrs on, he may be the type of person who doesnt let things go, it could be that he just doesnt like you and will leave it at that. You are working yourself into a right tizzy over something that may not happen. If he does have a go at you as him why is he doing this? it mite make him think, it mite make him look stupid, he mite reply that its cos you called him a bitch......either way you may find out whats behind it and it may even make a start to sorting it out. Or you could take him aside and say look mate we didnt get on the last 2 yrs and i may have been part to blame for that but we could make a clean slate. It may work, it may not. If it doesnt and he still hassles you, be prepared to either put up with it or go to a teacher and explain what happened two years ago and how the guy is still holding a grudge, tho you arent. Dont look down on him for being in special ed, chances are the problem he has with you has nothing to do with him being slow at school
hope this helps

[darksaint]

I know this is pretty old but I thought i'd reply anyways...

I realize that I'm the one who didn't help out the situation by calling him a bitch. And yes, he is gay, but he likes calling everyone else faggots and whatnot. Why, I will never know. And he is such an ass to EVERYONE. Most people despise him. He will go up to a random person that dosen't even know him and and criticize them on their clothing and looks making himself feel better about himself. (And he is nothing pretty...beleive me...) and I called him a bitch because he did that to me too and I would just walk away. I said nothing. But when i'm in a crappy mood it's safer for people not to mess with me because I can get vicious. Anyways, I wasn't putting him down for being in special ed. and I was only intimidated by him being in it because he is in it for not exactly being all there or here or anywhere. As for his views on what preppy is are different, theres no way that anyone in the world could have labeled me as preppy because of how I dress. I don't label myself nor anyone unless they want to be labeled, but it's obvious what the typical prep looks like. So by calling him a bitch, it was a small yet obviously destructive way of letting some of my anger towards him out. He hasn't bothered me yet this school year which has suprised me, but I have the feeling he's gonna try to provoke me to tell him something like push me or something. I'm not afraid of him anymore because i've developed a short temper which is very handy when your about to fight so i'm prepared. Thanks to all who gave me their input and advice on this.

[changeling]

I hope you have better luck with that kid this year! Humor can work to de-escalate a situation that could potentially get ugly also. Kind of like in that movie (don't remember which one) where someone threatens adam sandler and says "i eat s-t like you for breakfast!" and he says "you eat s-t for breakfast?" or it could be as simple as calmly saying "no thanks." when someone says "f-you". Anything that shows he is not going to get the rise out of you he is looking for. It could just be that he never got over your winning the fight the first time. this is easier said than done, of course, but it seems like anything is worth a try at this point.

Also, if he is considered a special education (sped) student, he may have a counselor he is working with - maybe instead of dreading him or prepping for a fight all through HS, you 2 could meet with his counselor, work it out, and finally move on.

I work with sped students who are considered emotionally disturbed (this kid sounds like he *might* fall into that category, but i really couldn't say w/o more info) - many of them have serious impulse control issues but are intellecutally the same as everyone else.

[tattoodvampyre]

Just cos some one acts as if they are slow etc doesnt mean they are, i know a few ppl who play on the fact ppl think they are slow or mentally challenged.
As for diffusing the situation by humour then yes it can work but be very careful what you say in jest, some times it can back fire and make the person more angry.
As for having a short fuse thats nothing to be proud of neither is getting ready to fight him. It makes you just the same as him and im sure you are better than that.
Chin up, ignore him, take the slagging on the chin and be content with the knowledge that you are more mature than him. Once he sees hes not getting to you, he will leave you alone, ppl like that only keep their interest when the person they are hassling retaliates or shows fear. Do nothing and hes got nothing to fight against

[sybil4insane]

Well, I can't give much advice but Tuzzy gave an excellent source of it.

I have a Sis that is what you call Preppy and I had to go with that. Luckly, she would find humor in your "no preppies" shirt.

But that guy needs to worry about something much more important than a shirt. I just encountered that when I told about customs and the guy banned me from his livejournal and made the point that he bought all his dolls blah blah.

Am I still holding a grudge?

No of course not. Am I absoulity hurt. Yes for a while but I will never hate him or never will bad mouth him. I brought this along my self. If I had never made critisim of his customs im sure we would be still be friends.

On bullying I dont know personally. but I wish you the best of luck on this situation.

[tattoodvampyre]

sybil4insane! that happened to me on the offical LDD board, i dissed some ones custom ( as in said "....and i thought mine were bad") didnt kno it was a boardies custom and the flack i got was amazing but i didnt retaliate on the actual board i emailed the person in question and said i was sorry i didnt realise it was hers but that i knew how difficult it was to do custom ldds, and gave them some tips to which they replied with a lot of abuse and nastiness. So i replied to them and next thing i knew banned......so i kno how you felt over that guy banning you over the customs stuff
xx

[sybil4insane]

I remember that and how aweful that was. it is just a custom and some of the tips would be very helpful.

I just said "constructive Critism" and I got flamed and that I was a jerk and a " stupid kid" all sorts of nasty things. But its all in the past,I have left the ldd lj community because I felt so guilty even posting there. I guess I shouldn't let people get to me but I will never bad mouth the guy no matter how much he made me feel so low.

Dark_Saint, let us know how this situation comes out.